Ok, its time to bring out the big guns….its crunch time, go time, hit the water and swim like the Titanics sinking underneath your feet time. Seventeen days till I have to lug this body up steep, steep mud slicked hills, Twenty two until I have to be in capris and a tank top….
What better way to get a handle on how serious my weight/body mass situation is?
I went to face my nemisis, head on today. Walked right in and locked the door.
Hello, Target dressing room mirror, we meet again.
Apparently with the whole scale freak out yesterday, (and yes it was a full blow freakout, you should have seen the look the dog was giving me when I came downstairs…) I’m over the crying like my boyfriend just told me he needs some space, to down right pissed. Fine body, this is how you want to play it? Game on. So, like Intervention, I gave myself a reality check to get my head right. I stripped down in front of the three way.
It kind of went like this….
Big Sigh….Hair check, total flyaways, shit. Proceed to get out the lotion and multipurpose it as hair gel. Somewhat better… Check out roots, mental note to make hair appt as soon as I get back to work, Brittney black roots on blond don’t even look good on Brittney….look at long hair, hum not a sexy as I thought…Im might just Jen Aniston chop it after all….
Top off…what the hell….wondering how a body can look decent in some spots, oddly lumpy in others…Why can’t I just fatten up like Snooki? You know “the all over thickness sans rolls”…lord….
See if trying something new on helps. Slip grey tunic top over head, add black belt…not bad from front…but back, yeah, no go…kind of highlights the thinnest part of me (read: ribcage) and spotlights the biggest read: (my Kim K ass, seriously its my nickname by one of the girls in the other office), and so not in a good way, more like, “hey honey you really should have a backup light on that baby, wow..”
*Forget about trying on shirtdress after bummed by tunic, check out arms again…seriously, I can’t just be pale, I have to be red blotchy-ish pale? Get out lotion again, rub down arms to see if that helps…nope….
Dare to take off skirt….pray security guard is not monitoring current dressing room….mental note to forget about getting the spray tan before trip, ain’t no way this is going to stand in front of 19 year old rail thin tanning employee and be her next facebook post which starts… “ewwwww you would not believe what I had to do today…”
So, Ive got my mental picture in the place I know shows me in the worst light possible…fattest, palest and most flyaway….its the only way I will make the change is if I open my eyes completely and see what I really look like and make the decision to eat the cake or fit in the shorts, it can only be one or the other for now.
Its an ugly and painful method I am using to psych myself out, but effective apparently, I whizzed right past Starbucks on my way out…..I plan to conjure it up when I try to grab for the white bread or when my hand tries to steer me into the Wawa parking lot.
Im definitely ready for the 5:45 workout….Let the shrinking commence…..
The Target dressing room mirror is a filthy liar 
Woot! Pissed off is the only way to go. Beat that fat into submission!
Pissed off def works for me. Yeah, sad = extra large milkshake with salt and vinegar chip bag chaser…
For me, it’s only WHEN I think about NOT eating when I eat the most! If I just go with it and work out, I’ll actually eat less because I’m not obsessing with it. I don’t ever try anything on at a store for this reason. It leads to me taking a lot of stuff back but I would never buy anything if I tried it on at the store.