“Your mother called, she said you were weak” Sign on the PA tough mudder course, 2011

The icy water hits me in the chest like a punch. I steel my nerves as best I can, and duck under the wooden board, fully submerging myself in the 39 degree pond.

As I struggle to pull myself from under the frigid water to the surface, for a second, it feels as though my heart has stopped…and I think… this, is what it must feel like to be dead…..

But I lived…..

And finished the PA tough mudder race in 4 hours, 16 minutes.

The story of the birth of my daughter is a story I and friends alike have told as a cautionary tale to the expectant mother who better know way before the trip to the hospital about their level of pain tolerance…long story short…no drugs, a too quick transistion to full dialation and a nurse practically on top of me telling me to “calm down” while others outside my room send shuffling wide eyed fellow moms-to-be away from the sounds of me screaming bloody murder….let’s just say I have a history of being a drama queen when its comes to any kind of pain or discomfort.

Now put said chick above outside, in 50 degree weather, where she is to run 11 miles up and down an ankle twisting ski slope, belly crawl thru tunnels of mud and stones, climb 12 foot walls that caused a few broken ankles, and water that sent more than a few partipatants to the hospital for hypothermia…have her do this next to real athletes, 20 pounds lighter and 20 years her junior….2 days past her 40th birthday.

Yes, I finished. I still can’t believe I finished. It was the hardest thing Ive done in my life. I wasn’t able to do all the obstacles (the monkey bars were a no go as well as the walk the plank with a 50 yard swim, shit… Im not that crazy..(see broken ankles/hypothermia above).. I knew I had my crew waiting at the top and we all finished together. I think I had a very small glimpse of what it must be like to be part of something big, like soldiers who bond together in war time and people who have survived big hardships. Its not strength or courage that got me through it, it was simply people who reached out their hands and pulled me up and pushed me forward and waited for me to join them to the end.

What an amazing journey this has been…..thanks to my girls…..you have reminded me that many things are possible with the power of friendship…..

Now if I could just stop falling over from random charlie horses and get the mud scubbed out from my skin….its going to take a lot longer for my body to agree with my heart….

Off to down more ADVIL and wash my mudder shirt to wear proudly….everytime I work out….:)

Congrats to all Tough Mudders from this week, you rocked it!!!!!!!!

Move, you stupid hooker! I mean that in the nicest, most motivating way…….

I have my last meal scheduled. My bag is packed. When I nervously tell strangers what’s going to happen, I either get a look of “well, you asked for it” or a “I’ll be thinking of you, “ while they walk away circling their finger next to their head. I woke up this morning at 5 AM after a dream of being stuck in small tunnel with no way out…

The PA tough mudder race…..is in 3 days, 21 hrs, 10 minutes and 32 seconds

We’ve got our shirts blinged out with our nicknames – me “Ivanka” aka princess of the group… go figure….gaterade prime? Check….ankle tape? Check? Body glide…better check…cause I have a funny feeling there is going to be a lot of mud everywhere….especially where the sun don’t shine….

I can say I haven’t been nervous like this for a long time…flying? No worries….people yelling at me on the phone at work…all in a days work here, whatever….the only thing I can compare it to would be like how I felt watching the movie Haunting in Connecticut…I just want to cover my eyes and curl in ball instead of facing what was going to pop out next….

I guess I have to remember I am ready as I’ll ever be…..months of running and cold weather training….we did it all…and since this race is all about camaraderie and team effort…I think Im good…..as I know I will have my fellow teammates to push me along…Im thinking literally….

I have to say it has help me find a resolve I thought I didn’t even have. I run 7 miles. I run when its raining. I say ok to 12% grade hill runs. I am a part of a group that has motivated each other (not always in a nice way, we have found our inner bitches all right – see title above 😛 ) not to quit or stop. At 2 days short of 40….lets do this…..

So to all my teammates, lets go you stupid hookers…there is no in lu of on Sunday! Bring it!!!