“Wait, did he just call you a jackass, and why are you smiling? You guys are weird….”

30 Aug

I have to write a 50th anniversary toast for my parents…you would think this would be a breeze considering I have just a small inclination to do things like, oh, order first in a restaurant when the waiter is not even looking at me, and might one too many times burst in the room with a story like “oh my God, listen to this…” Im just a tad bit of a…well…an attention whore. So, that said, I should be all excited about the prospect of having the forced attention of 70 well wishers.

Problem?..I just can’t find the right words to say….

How do I, in just a few sentences, sum up what I know of my parent’s marriage? Of course Ive been there for 40 of them…but just thinking about my own, the most touching moments are the ones only I have experienced.

Like the pressure of M’s hand on my back, leading me to a pew at a wedding or the coffin of a funeral…that small gesture of support that always takes my breath away a bit..

Or when we moved from our old, tiny house. We stood in the upstairs hallway for one last minute, and I looked at him and could see the past 7 years…new baby, job, all the laughter…I think we stood there in an embrace for a long time…taking it all in….

Or one I just won’t go into here…its one of those I think about that makes me get that smile/smirk..and want to call him just to talk to him…a little secret saying no one but he knows..one of those that made you know for sure, you have been right where you belong, all along.

I don’t know their private moments….and that is something special, just for them…I guess I do know that they too must hold them close, to get them through the tough times..I know it does it for me…20 years and counting…

So back to pen and paper….think I got it now….


“Here’s to the tears you knew you’d cry..here’s to goodbye, tomorrow’s gonna come too soon” Eve 6

22 Aug

He’s gone.

Ok, that sounds a bit dramatic…but being I spent about a half an hour sobbing in the grocery store parking lot last night, well….

E left for college yesterday. After we did the whole move in, met the roommate, get the books, etc, I gave him a quick hug and off we went. All M had to do was grab my hand….and the water works started…and are still at the corner of my swollen eyes this morning.

I vividly remember the day he was born. I can play it like a movie in my head. My life went from just me and M to the three of us, and for the past 18 years I have known where he is, what he’s doing..and I know he is prepared and ready to be on his own…just trying to figure out now how I am going to be on mine as a mom minus 1.

God, I think back to the crazy days when they were little and couldn’t wait for a break, a weekend away with their grandparents, time for M and I to take a breath and remember why we hooked up in the first place. Today it just feels like something is missing…they come in with a big bang and out with an empty bedroom at the top of the stairs. I wonder if anyone would fault me for slipping some real Irish Cream in my coffee this morning.

I know he will do great, and I will adjust. I’m going to keep busy this week and resist texting him every hour..with “how r u? HEllO, HOW R U!??”…

Just gonna keep the dark Jackie O sunglasses on for a few days longer….

“Mom, look..MOM!…watch me!…ugh, God, you never watch me…”

12 Aug

“I know you have all missed me..”

Ugh, no.

“I’m back!! Let me update you all on the going on’s of blah blah bladey blah”

Um, ew, whatever….

As soon as I see those words, yeah, I’m so not reading on. Like my niece, Liv, I’ll just shut my eyes and pretend you don’t exist. Cries of attention, well, make me want to ignore you. My poor kids, right? Judge me, fine, but hey like you want to see them do the same cannonball for the 20th time….yeah, I thought so…

So with that said I won’t go into the whole “why I haven’t written in 2 months”, I’m sure you could care less, and for that, I applaud you…

So now it’s 1 week till E leaves for school and everything is a go, I’m over my 65 mile bike ride from the end of July….well, I still can’t look at a bike without wincing and grabbing my crouch…my beach vacations are a distance memory…what should I do now?

Insanity of course.

Yep, I just got a congrats from Shaun T that my program will be here in one week…I got it sent to work cause if M sees one more set of workout DVD’s he really will pack his backpack with his 3 flyers tees shirts and seek out Selma, cause there is no way she would waste his money on another gimmicky weight loss bullshit program…

The pack is still hemming and hawing about doing the 1/2 marathon, but I’m signing up for that today, I need a big fat kick in the ass, a reason to be scared not to work out, ( maybe M is wrong, I might kick ass in the marines if I have some big scary leader person, pink-faced and screaming at me to move..hum..oh well think Im over the age limit now anyway, their loss…) and I’m hoping this will help me shake off the weight that is keeping me from a solid 10 minute mile and the embarrassing wheezing/stopping to almost barf that accompanies my uphill runs lately. Oh that, and the team picture from the bike race…I was scanning it, wondering who the fatty was next to my husband…wait…oh, fuck….

I even gave them my phone number to contact me to do a before and after…(nervous hiccoping laughter) I’m really thinking I should get some help for this impulsiveness …but Im going to think positive….let’s see if I can get the tee-shirt when I finish..I can put it in my jewelry box, right next to my mudder headband.

Oh, and the fact that my parent’s 50th party is in one month…with permanant pictures going to be on their mantle from years to come….

Let’s do this….

Neither hail nor lightening, or rainsoaked drawers, stays me from seeing this kid graduate….

13 Jun

“Um, that looks dark back there,” M comments over his shoulder atop the packed bleachers we have been sweltering in for the past hour and a half, next to sourfaced K, whose hair and patience have just about deflated from the 90 degree heat.

Speakers crackle… “looks like we will be postponing the graduation for the next 30 minutes due to..”

And at that, the sky opens up, and everyone from cranky toddlers to dressed up Grannies gets pelted, windswept and really, really wet.

A hail storm exactly at 7:00 PM, the night of E’s graduation, was not how I thought this night would begin. I envisioned teary eyed me, watching my son traipse across the football field to his seat, half listening the speeches, but mostly marveling at everything that led up to this moment.

Instead, I was trying to hold an umbrella in whipping winds, and not to fall flat on my face making it to drier ground.

An hour and a half later, still wet, the festivities began. The tears were still there when I saw E walk out of the gym afterwords, saying goodbye to friends and giving me the first big hug.

Congratulations E.

I remember in the hospital, it was just me and you. Me, exhausted and happy and dazed. A whole new life was right in front of me. You, all new and tightly swaddled, just quietly looking at me. I remember telling you, “hey buddy, I have no idea what I am doing, but I know I love you, and will do my best to teach you everything I know.”

Funny, how many things you taught me….

You taught me I was brave – that it was only my “no bad dream dance” when you were 4 that would take away what was scary and made you able to fall asleep…

You taught me about trust – for you have always done what you said you would do, in a day and age that so many others just brush off or make excuses for not following through or doing whats right, I so admire that about you.

You taught me the power of one person to touch so many – over the past few weeks I have been getting calls, emails from family and friends, saying how proud and happy they are for you. More than a few times while talking to family, I have seen their eyes tear up, sharing a memory about you. You have touched many with your good heart.

Thank you for all you have given me, E…..and as you go out and make your way in the world, know I will always be here for you….to give you the love and support, or even a no bad dream dance rendition if things ever get scary……

We love you E-man…..

“Strike up the music the band has begun, bum, bum, bum, the Pennsylvania Polka”, Groundhog Day

2 Jun

I walk to the edge of the water, warm breeze lifts my hair off my sun tanned shoulders. On my left, little ones shiny from sunblock dig ponds for sand crabs, and to my right, big ones are laughing at each other surfing in the waves…..I toss my book on my beach chair, sigh and think, now, what did I need to do?

Oh, yeah, that’s right….absolutely…..nothing….

Two more weeks…..this will be me, on vacation…one of my top five favorite things in the world….(just typing it here, knowing its so close makes me feel like I took ½ a percocet)….and it can’t come soon enough…..

I so need a break, between the craziness of having a senior graduating, to this real life day to day same ole, same ole’, Im tired out….the every nite after work repetition is making me grouchy….I need a new location, and no daily routines..

Cause past few weeknights have been going mostly like this:

– Drive home on crowded construction/pothole filled highway. Curse out all the nascar wanna be’s who fly down the jackass lane (aka third merge lane) who proceed to cut me off re-entering my lane, using phrases that include, “you better speed it up chuckles, stop texting hooker and pay attention!!!!”, and inserting everything I heard Mob wives yell at each other last nite, “stop drifting over into my lane you bleeping ganster loving bleeeeeeeeeeppppp!!” (add copious throwing up of hands, eye rolls and gestures of “can you believe this!” to the driver trying to avoid looking at my crazed antics in the car next to me…)

– Arrive home late, rummage around for clean workout clothes….come up unsuccessful, febreeze the shit out of last nites drying out in tub, run out the door for workout, warn fellow runners to stay upwind….

– Limp home, re -febreeze, and proceed to stare in fridge. Wonder what Paula would make with frozen ground beef, drinkable yogurt and miller high life…..try to ignore sounds of household members rolling on the floor from hunger pains….score with box of hamburger helper…put ipod buds in ears to drown out comments while mixing instant dinner of “seriously, are we poor now, this is like the third time this week!???…uuuugghhhhh……”

-Go through mental to do before E’s grad party list…..realize forgot to pick up frame for new print, draino, and paint for upstairs bathroom at lunch due to distraction of the shiny summer clothing racks at Target…sigh and start stack of dishes, sweep up tumbleweed size dog hair puffs, laundry…stop briefly to try to catch 10 day weather forecast, pray for no rain or face a house full of 75 well wishers..

– Wake up totally confused on couch at 11:30 PM…stumble off to bed..

At least I know its coming and soon….. nights instead filled with beach walks, ice cream sundae runs and late night family card games with siblings Ive really missed hanging out with…..

Can’t wait….getting groundhog dayish around here….

And I swear guys, no hamburger helper anywhere on the food list…

Rule # 1 – Cardio……Zombieland

20 May

“So, you all ready for Rapture tomorrow?”

I don’t look up from my keyboard….“Haven’t even seen a trailer for it…why would I have to be prepared, wait…. is Matthew Fox in it?” No answer…Interest peeked, I look up. “Is it like a romantic movie, cause that would be amazing, I so miss Lost and him walking out the ocean in that tee shirt with his abs…. Why are you shaking your head?”

“Um…I don’t even know what to say to what you just said, but, no, it’s the name the zealots have for tomorrow, you know the end of the world?”

“Right…..um, yeah, not real worried about it. You know, I’m thinking we have till Dec 2012, those Mayans were right on about a lot…soooo..”

I bite the inside of my cheek and think a minute about all that has been going on lately, humm… if I’m wrong, it can be only one thing tomorrow…if all the good people are going up to heaven? That leaves the rest of us (I have no illusions about myself getting raised up in the clouds)….and we are supposed to be in “bad shape” for 5 months? That can only mean one thing is happening, my worst dread, next to shark attack…


I’m doomed…

I mean, think about it…a really popular show lately? Walking Dead (which I watched holding my breath…the hospital scene……aaaahhhhhhhhhhh….) Video games – Fallout Vegas….(I’ve just been subjected to watch as K is terrified to shoot the zombies in that one) oh and didn’t the CDC just send out a ZOMBIE survival message, yeah to “raise awareness” of what to do in any disaster???…

I’m getting more uncomfortable by the minute….

I keep meaning to stock up on Twinkies (they never go bad) my cardio and baseball bats (thank you Zombieland!!!) as well as guns and ammo…. (Thank you Adriansundeaddiary.com) Because of you, I now know what guns kick ass and what’s too heavy for me etc…(by the way, love that blog, its set up like a survivor in real time, makes me pace around wanting to know what will happen next! BTW, if Abby dies, I will find and punch you Chris * two fingers pointed to you, then me*……) I have no idea why I obsessively watch and read up about it, ( Im a suburban mom, no tats, loves are shopping n girls nites out, weird, right?) but I know now, its because I needed to prepare myself…

As I am a born and raised Catholic, there is only one way to know if its true …and that is find out….

What is the big guy himself in Rome is up to….

I was thinking of calling up the Vatican to get a gauge of what they think. I’m sure it would go a bit like this….

“Hello, yeah, I know you are really busy restocking incense and tooling up the pope mobile, but, Um, I was just wondering what the Pope is up to on Saturday? Can’t tell me, of course, ok, but could you call me, if say, JC comes by your desk and floats through to his office?…I’m just a bit nervous for…oh, wait don’t hang up, maybe just a text??…all it needs to be is like “VIP in the VAT….HIDE….” so I know to run to the nearest church… hello??”

So, after I get E off the prom tonight I’m heading to grocery store to clear the place out like when Grandma’s hear a chance of flurries around here…Hum, if I hit Walmart…. I can stock up on my ammo…

Good luck tomorrow everyone…I’ll be in my basement tomorrow afternoon finishing off all the good liquor while watching back to back episodes of Bear Grills, just in case….

Excessive use, what are you up to?? Contact us. Wait, what?

19 May

This is the message I got when typing in the words – Philadelphia/travel – on this very site in the search box. I’m sure Im doing it wrong, but um, why the tude, press?

I have to say I was a bit offended at the tone of the message….

Since you are gonna be sassy about it and Im PMSing…well, fine, don’t say you didn’t ask for it….

Here is the list of what I am up to today, in no particular order.

1.Not working. Its pretty quiet around here, so in between what needs to be done, I have been checking out online what to do for this weekend. Since M and I have been ships passing in the night, for say, oh the past two + weeks, I was thinking of a night away this weekend so we can reconnect, have set plans so I don’t turn to my to do list and end up asleep on the couch at 8 PM, and so he remembers why he married my hot ass in the first place…..

2.Fretting….E’s prom is tomorrow and he is going with a girl 20 degrees more psycho then yours truly was back in 89’. They are not speaking and Im bummed for him (though he could care less/will just hang out with friends) Im all agitated, and concerned on how pic’s are going to go tomorrow…at her house….(if she flippantly rejects the almost $30 wrist corsage I shelled out for her, there’s going to be a rumble in her parent’s rhododendrons….)

3.Talking to unreasonable people. I am in a “customer service” dominated field. One that requires clients to have some semblance of responsibility, and freaking common sense to get a better bottom line. Just fyi, king of the world, the person on the other end of the line does not believe you when you say you don’t get your bills, and therefore you get a free ride and don’t have to pay them; your Grandmom stole your id and ruined your credit by wiring cash to a “young millionaire” from Nigeria on your Visa dime; nor will they march into the office of the president of the company and demand you get the super secret special deal your 2nd cousins swears he has, all while you curse them out using words porn actors cringe at, cause you have been a loyal client for the past two weeks….

4.Planning a grad party…With my melancholy about E graduating, and my need for less stress in my life, I just want a simple party. (E concers, btw) While I really appreciate the ideas and help from others, their ideas just get grander, and of course, with that, the leg work for making that happen falls on yours truly. Unless I can hire one of those gay guys from Bravo to snap it all together effortlessly, its going to be very nice, but sorry, no, there will not be elephants with his school logo painted on their sides, traipsing through the cul-de-sac…..

So, that is what I am up to wordpress….nothing shady, nothing illegal. Now if you want to contact me back with helpful solutions to all of the above, I’ll forgive you for your getting all up in my grill for simply trying to speed up my yucky Thursday with excessively looking through the thoughtful, funny and insightful musings of my fellow posters….

Apology accepted…. 😉